olmayacak dualara amin diyenlerin son sözleri: zaten tanrı'ya inanmıyorum.

cake and coffee
includes dancing too
mucu

i have a tendency to make a mess of things...

jack and i

you are the only one to blame
but honey i don't give a damn.

the aches of my head
hush the demands of your heart
i won't do what you must

i dig and i dig
with dirty fingers i smile
i refuse to bury it

it is not that i am a fool
you just need to unlearn 
all that i have learned

let me tidy up here a bit
i promise you honey 
i'll be done before you know it

day by day

it is ok to dress funny when you are at home.
you can even sing at the top of your lungs. 
throw your hat on the lamp, no it won't break.
give a little clap each time you put a check on your list.
wash your clothes, hush your thoughts, ignore the past.
today is the first day of the rest of your life.

clean the kitchen, look out the window.
you will find the smile hidden beneath layers of filth.
beautiful voices, beautiful notes, beautiful minds await you.
the sun shall shine upon you even through the night.
there is a big bad wolf out there, it will huff and puff, it can't destroy.
you are only as weak as your worst nightmare, and look, you are awake.

allow yourself to worry, don't fret if you cry.
being human is messy, shit and piss and tears and sweat.
love your skin for it hides the mess oh so nice and pretty.
keep rhythm to the drums of joy, yin and yang they are your family.
girls and boys, we are all confused, mothers and fathers are lost, too.
day by day, we shall make it through.

another numb morning, after yet another night of facing my sweet daemons. 
it is not even morning anymore, says one; it is morning if i say it is morning, say i.

my dreams might be the main reason i find it difficult to function in reality. not only every single feeling and every single being is stronger and more emphasized thus making reality a weak shadow of all things possible; i also get tired through dreaming. for instance i have meaningful, patient, calm conversations with people. and the ones i have while asleep are different than the imaginary ones i have while awake. in dreams i say exactly what i mean, and in dreams people understand only what i meant. these conversations sometimes last for weeks, until there isn't a single word or a single thought that has not been said. our minds merge, and we become one; to speak further is just for fun, and a simple gaze holds both of us. then i wake up. and i don't have the energy to even say good morning. then i wake up, and i feel beaten, for that conversation never happened, and that person is the same as the night before, and i am lonelier than ever. i know i will never try to explain myself like that, or i can never be that open and honest. i know i will never be understood fully,  for that is just impossible. and every single time i talk to that person in real life, frustration and sadness will be present for i am the only one who knows how great we were when we knew each other, and how we will never be that. every single conversation in waking will tear my dreams apart, and kill the person i loved being. even i won't notice the fragments of that dream conversation as it finds it way out of my lips. and reality will tangle up further with the teasing of a greatness that never was.

it is always easier to keep silent when you have none to talk to.

you are alive

(you are alive, and i have met you.) 

silence has been a true comfort through the years,
-cover me from head to toe, ooze into my cells-
and now, and now it comes bearing gifts...

yesyes, i feel it; as silence falls, it is you reality is made of.
no need to dream, no reason to yearn; i am sane, you are everywhere.

you unearthed the drums of joy,
a beat so soft, inaudible to human ear;
my heart won't stop chanting thy name...

(you are born anew everyday, and everyday i meet you.)
.

words run out of reach
maybe i have exceeded my credit limit