"I am telling you stories. Trust me."
"Love is the one thing stronger than desire and the only proper reason to resist temptation."
"While I can’t have you, I long for you. I am the kind of person who would miss a train or a plane to meet you for coffee. I’d take a taxi across town to see you for ten minutes. I’d wait outside all night if I thought you would open the door in the morning. If you call me and say ‘Will you…’ my answer is ‘Yes’, before your sentence is out. I spin worlds where we could be together. I dream you. For me, imagination and desire are very close."
"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, and the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don't want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don't want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you."
"The continuous narrative of existence is a lie. There is no continuous narrative, there are lit-up moments, and the rest is dark."
"The body shuts down when it has too much to bear; goes its own way quietly inside, waiting for a better time, leaving you numb and half alive."
"Poor me. There's nothing so sweet as wallowing in it is there? Wallowing is sex for depressives."
2011-01-28
white tunic
(i have a white tunic now
and my face is kind.)
everything turn sour as my words touch them.
all become hazy under my gaze.
i breathe and watch the air burn, my dear.
i breathe and the air burns.
i dream of the days i forgot:
barefoot on a green field;
bubbles drifting with the wind;
dance hidden beneath each sentence;
and laughter that fill the lungs with ease.
i had hope in my step then;
the jumps were aimed for high,
jumping off was not in the scene.
i had nothing to lose you see.
i had nothing to lose so all were mine.
i had not yet slept.
i had not yet held.
i had not yet felt.
maybe the air was filled with ashes,
(my understanding of peace were always a little off)
but the air didn't burn, my dear.
-ashes and scars-
-barefoot and bubbles-
i wore all black, yes,
but i was skipping stones.
and my face is kind.)
everything turn sour as my words touch them.
all become hazy under my gaze.
i breathe and watch the air burn, my dear.
i breathe and the air burns.
i dream of the days i forgot:
barefoot on a green field;
bubbles drifting with the wind;
dance hidden beneath each sentence;
and laughter that fill the lungs with ease.
i had hope in my step then;
the jumps were aimed for high,
jumping off was not in the scene.
i had nothing to lose you see.
i had nothing to lose so all were mine.
i had not yet slept.
i had not yet held.
i had not yet felt.
maybe the air was filled with ashes,
(my understanding of peace were always a little off)
but the air didn't burn, my dear.
-ashes and scars-
-barefoot and bubbles-
i wore all black, yes,
but i was skipping stones.
2011-01-27
you and the sun
you and the sun, are equally annoying today.
she won't stop shining; she refuses the winter.
you won't stop smiling; you deny your own slaughter.
she won't stop shining; she refuses the winter.
you won't stop smiling; you deny your own slaughter.
2011-01-26
2011-01-23
jack of a bitch
just notes:
/there is so much worth fighting for. save your battles for them.
/abuse can erase a person's soul.
until one can only remember the dents of where it once was.
if the abuse really ends, the abused will try to sketch one's self again.
erase, and sketch. erase, and sketch.
try, try again.
one may stick one day.
/building the perfect cave is a solitary activity.
/if you sense that you are stuck, stimulate your mind in a familiar exciting way to reclaim the motivation you have lost.
/watch it. a smile will catch you off guard one of these days.
/don't buy me too much candy. i'll hate you when i get fat.
/i remember so much, for otherwise i forget.
/the ink dries shining
my lips glee-smile
i love just to be
/i call myself pathetic every time kindness whiffles through my soul.
/freedom is the road, no way he can stay
angels bless him with a kiss upon the palm
he takes off, shielded from all
/so many people we forget
a few remain on our shoulders
like heavy eyelids of a saturday night
black-daring-stinging memories
/past becomes a big board of etch-a-sketch.
/trying to forget is the best way to memorize.
/there is so much worth fighting for. save your battles for them.
/abuse can erase a person's soul.
until one can only remember the dents of where it once was.
if the abuse really ends, the abused will try to sketch one's self again.
erase, and sketch. erase, and sketch.
try, try again.
one may stick one day.
/building the perfect cave is a solitary activity.
/if you sense that you are stuck, stimulate your mind in a familiar exciting way to reclaim the motivation you have lost.
/watch it. a smile will catch you off guard one of these days.
/don't buy me too much candy. i'll hate you when i get fat.
/i remember so much, for otherwise i forget.
/the ink dries shining
my lips glee-smile
i love just to be
/i call myself pathetic every time kindness whiffles through my soul.
/freedom is the road, no way he can stay
angels bless him with a kiss upon the palm
he takes off, shielded from all
/so many people we forget
a few remain on our shoulders
like heavy eyelids of a saturday night
black-daring-stinging memories
/past becomes a big board of etch-a-sketch.
/trying to forget is the best way to memorize.
2011-01-20
2011-01-19
45
[the universe grants me my every wish,
it is i who don't know how to wish right.
i keep forgetting, inspiration
will always have a hidden agenda.]
........
and this one comes for the silly little girl,
who gets torn every time she feels a lie.
she won't see, yet she won't truly go blind.
inspite of the dirty roads of scars across her skin,
she will hear a bluebird sing, and
as her mouth forms a stupid grin,
silly little words will spill from a single eye.
she might clutch a lighter in her hand,
she might wander through the sweets of her heart.
she might try to deny, yet
her sentences will fold, and
roll off the old book of rhymes.
mama will see her hands,
papa will call her name,
her bare feet will bleed, yet
she won't hurt,
she won't hurt no more.
she will sing the same line,
for hours on end,
swinging to and fro,
on the hammock that was
burnt years and years ago.
: 45
it is i who don't know how to wish right.
i keep forgetting, inspiration
will always have a hidden agenda.]
........
and this one comes for the silly little girl,
who gets torn every time she feels a lie.
she won't see, yet she won't truly go blind.
inspite of the dirty roads of scars across her skin,
she will hear a bluebird sing, and
as her mouth forms a stupid grin,
silly little words will spill from a single eye.
she might clutch a lighter in her hand,
she might wander through the sweets of her heart.
she might try to deny, yet
her sentences will fold, and
roll off the old book of rhymes.
mama will see her hands,
papa will call her name,
her bare feet will bleed, yet
she won't hurt,
she won't hurt no more.
she will sing the same line,
for hours on end,
swinging to and fro,
on the hammock that was
burnt years and years ago.
: 45
my soul is running, leaping, and landing...
rest of me must do with baby steps.
confined, stuck, obligated, conscientious, just, strong.
i just need to lay down here for a bit.
i won't ask for love, i won't ask for mercy.
and, isis, no, don't you dare pity me.
i am not your brother, i am not your husband.
you didn't give birth to me.
stop the sun, stop the rivers.
stop this fucking spinning, why won't you?
i just need the world to stop for a second, for a week, for eternity.
rest of me must do with baby steps.
confined, stuck, obligated, conscientious, just, strong.
i just need to lay down here for a bit.
i won't ask for love, i won't ask for mercy.
and, isis, no, don't you dare pity me.
i am not your brother, i am not your husband.
you didn't give birth to me.
stop the sun, stop the rivers.
stop this fucking spinning, why won't you?
i just need the world to stop for a second, for a week, for eternity.
2011-01-15
one of those days, my dear;
each thought is a stab, and each word is a lie.
yesyes, this too shall pass.
but for today, i think you have laid my smiles out to dry.
/my hands keep up with me:
papercuts and ashburns and nasty hangnails.
i love my hands today,
i don't have the energy to hate all of me./
it is one of those days, my dear.
i know the answers are null, but i can't stop the running question "why"...
/i don't want to wear my glasses.
i don't want to talk.
i don't want to remember.
yet i would rather go insane than forget.
i don't want to see my face.
i don't want to walk.
i don't want to dream.
yet i would rather go insane than wake./
each thought is a stab, and each word is a lie.
yesyes, this too shall pass.
but for today, i think you have laid my smiles out to dry.
/my hands keep up with me:
papercuts and ashburns and nasty hangnails.
i love my hands today,
i don't have the energy to hate all of me./
it is one of those days, my dear.
i know the answers are null, but i can't stop the running question "why"...
/i don't want to wear my glasses.
i don't want to talk.
i don't want to remember.
yet i would rather go insane than forget.
i don't want to see my face.
i don't want to walk.
i don't want to dream.
yet i would rather go insane than wake./
2011-01-14
2011-01-12
2011-01-09
diaries of a stranger
regret is for the fools, my dear. so what if our souls were fueled and hearts burnt; this stolen vacation was ours. the kisses were us. who you were was an extension of me, and you knew all that i was.
the city doesn't hold you anymore, and my haircut is too short. i don't feel like a woman this morning. i don't feel like anything this morning. your absence defines life, universe and everything.
my mind can't grasp my heart's speed. we courted, danced, loved and parted in how many days? i had a life without you, and it was a good one, right? so how come all my earlier memories are a blur now?
reality is creeping in bed with me, my dear. i turn my being to the future: finals, and papers, and workthings. i will not forget you, i can not forget you. i don't care how much this hurts, i refuse to regret you.
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