the most poetic shithole

( 2000 or 2001 )

i'm from istanbul
the most poetic shithole
on the face of the planet

i fell in love with the city
when i fell in love with poetry
i am home when i'm lost between the lines
words
syllables
letters
i can be happy
sad
jealous
content
manic
mad
depressed
pissed off
i can be at the verge of tears
i can be hyper
i can hide under the covers
or i can scream to the world
my presence
i can fly
walk
talk
jump
rhyme
sing
polka
hide
cry
hurt...
i can love
deeper than the soul
i can hate
more than hell
i can do all these and more
when i'm lost between the lines
streets
of
istanbul
poetry
i can be jealous
of the kitten that hugs
kisses
bites
loves
my love
i can hug
kiss
bite
love
my love
i can run around
with my soul on my lips
offering it to anyone
willing to share
that moment of intimacy...
when i'm lost between the lines
the streets
i can tell my love
feel my love
have my love
and be my love
when i'm lost
i can find myself
between the lines
i can pick at my scabs
from the past
the present
the future...
i can welcome the pain
of the scars that live
deep inside
my soul.
i can be content
with wrapping my own arms
around
my shivering
lonely
scared
body.
i can throw myself
at a passer by
to make me content
by wrapping his arms
around
my shivering
lonely
scared
body.
i can be the saint
to save lost souls
or i can be the whore
to lose souls between the lines
of istanbul
in the streets
of poetry.

i AM home
when i'm lost
in the most poetic shithole ever

yüzük

patlayan sigaraları seviyorum

beni/seni/onu sevmiyorum

kendime bir söz verdim
bir de yüzük aldım sözüme
ona baka baka sözümü tutuyorum

babamın çalışma masasına kuruldum
quasimodo & orff & dylan eşliğinde
listelerimi tamamlıyorum

evim.

uyu.

"hadi uyu elifm" diye diye uyuyorum
huysuz, husursuz, eksik yatıyorum rüyalara
koşuyorum, oynuyorum, seviyorum, ölüyorum...
dedemin torunu, güllere bulanmış uyanıyorum.

hani?

okurken;
duruyorum bir an;
sol avcumu açmışım açabildiğim kadar;
koymuşum göğsüme, tam sternumun üstüne, hafiften bastırıyorum.

yüzümde bir acı var, hissediyorum.
aynalara bakmıyorum.
okurken, yanıyor yüzüm.
soğuğa kaçıyorum.

?

i write,
and i write...
covered in ink,
i fall to dreaming...

i can't help
but to hate
me
own
s
elf

i need not!
i want not!
i can not!

who i was
eats who i will be;
what i won't tickles
what i might.

i am.
i was.
i will be.

?????